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- Sep 1, 2015
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The most stupid thing I've ever done, by me, dumbo Dave.
Army again, I was just 18 (joined at 17) won the raffle at our boozer, the shat (chateaux).
Was a bottle of southern comfort and a bottle of Jim beam.
Woohoo! Pay Thursday party at my place!
So along with the beers I had in my fridge, me an 2 mates and our girlfriends all got on it.
Next morning as I was loading my very heavy pack into my 79/Gemini wagon, it dawned on me that the Friday 30km forced march was going to be a challenge the way I felt.
I knew a medic at our R.A.P (medical centre) and decided that he would look after me, and get me out of the march.
As I drove onto the base, I could see the guys on the parade ground, with their packs etc getting ready to go....Crap, I was late as well! Being late in the army is a big deal, so I quickly came up with a plan, I'd tell my CSM, (think gunny highway off heartbreak ridge) that I'd had a car accident on the way to work....yeah, that will work! So I kept on driving, back out of the barracks, to a servo, and got a pie and ice coffee.
As I drove back onto the base, I passed our our company, humping their heavy packs, they had just started the 30 kms, hahaha, suckers!
I parked my car, and walked to CHQ to face my CSM, a
Bit nervous, but confident.
"Sorry, I'm late sir"
"Start talking digga'
"Had a car accident on the way to work,"and that's where it all started!
He asked me all sorts of details, what car did I hit, green camira. Did I get the other divers details? Yes.
What happens? I ran up her rear end. Much damage? No just a broken head light and blinker.
Go get your car, and give me a look, I've got a mate who,s a panel beater.
Crap!!!!! So I run to the car park, kick in my headlight and blinker! Pick up the glass and get rid of it! Drive over and show him my car.
He says, give me the other drivers details, I want to talk to her, and make sure she's OK.
Crap!!!! So I say, the her details are in my room, I'll go and get them. I run to a phone booth in a panic and tell my girl friend what I'd done, she cracks up laughing and gos along with my string of lies!
Give the cranky old detective CSM her details, he rings her while I'm in the office with him.
I'm crapping besser blocks!
The CSM noticed my pack in the back of my car, and says go get your pack, so I go and get it, he pulls up in a landrover, says get in. He drives and catches my company, says " get out, you still have 25 km to go. I wasn't born yesterday dickhead, you reek of Bourbon, let this be a lesson to you, don't f@#kin lie to me boy!"
And that lesson has served me well in life ever since!
Army again, I was just 18 (joined at 17) won the raffle at our boozer, the shat (chateaux).
Was a bottle of southern comfort and a bottle of Jim beam.
Woohoo! Pay Thursday party at my place!
So along with the beers I had in my fridge, me an 2 mates and our girlfriends all got on it.
Next morning as I was loading my very heavy pack into my 79/Gemini wagon, it dawned on me that the Friday 30km forced march was going to be a challenge the way I felt.
I knew a medic at our R.A.P (medical centre) and decided that he would look after me, and get me out of the march.
As I drove onto the base, I could see the guys on the parade ground, with their packs etc getting ready to go....Crap, I was late as well! Being late in the army is a big deal, so I quickly came up with a plan, I'd tell my CSM, (think gunny highway off heartbreak ridge) that I'd had a car accident on the way to work....yeah, that will work! So I kept on driving, back out of the barracks, to a servo, and got a pie and ice coffee.
As I drove back onto the base, I passed our our company, humping their heavy packs, they had just started the 30 kms, hahaha, suckers!
I parked my car, and walked to CHQ to face my CSM, a
Bit nervous, but confident.
"Sorry, I'm late sir"
"Start talking digga'
"Had a car accident on the way to work,"and that's where it all started!
He asked me all sorts of details, what car did I hit, green camira. Did I get the other divers details? Yes.
What happens? I ran up her rear end. Much damage? No just a broken head light and blinker.
Go get your car, and give me a look, I've got a mate who,s a panel beater.
Crap!!!!! So I run to the car park, kick in my headlight and blinker! Pick up the glass and get rid of it! Drive over and show him my car.
He says, give me the other drivers details, I want to talk to her, and make sure she's OK.
Crap!!!! So I say, the her details are in my room, I'll go and get them. I run to a phone booth in a panic and tell my girl friend what I'd done, she cracks up laughing and gos along with my string of lies!
Give the cranky old detective CSM her details, he rings her while I'm in the office with him.
I'm crapping besser blocks!
The CSM noticed my pack in the back of my car, and says go get your pack, so I go and get it, he pulls up in a landrover, says get in. He drives and catches my company, says " get out, you still have 25 km to go. I wasn't born yesterday dickhead, you reek of Bourbon, let this be a lesson to you, don't f@#kin lie to me boy!"
And that lesson has served me well in life ever since!
