ask silly questions expect silly answers

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madtuna

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Good morning XXXXXX,

just a heads up that approximately mid morning this Thursday July 9 you may see a light aircraft flying relatively low outside the perimeter of your mining areas.
We are doing some aerial baiting to try and get these dog numbers down.

We will be outside your fences but if there are any areas inside the fence like near the village that you have seen dogs and would like targeted please let me know.

Regards,

Steve Fisher
Erlistoun Station

Hi Steve,

I believe Erlistoun station is intending to conduct a baiting program via light aircraft tomorrow morning. Just to kick off a few things our end can you please provide the following:

A map (if possible) of the areas you intend to bait. Failing a map, can you please list the areas you will be flying (i.e. XXXXXX, XXXXX XXX, XXXXXXXXX etc);

The type of aircraft used for the operation;

The amount of fuel intend to be used and carried onboard.

Contingency measures in the event of a bird strike engine failure etc.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Kind Regards,

XXX XXXX

Hi XXX,

On the wall in your office is a large map. The areas shaded in pink are the mining areas controlled by you.The remaining white area is our station controlled by us. We will be flying over and baiting the white area not the pink areas.

The type of aircraft.
It's a small white plane with blue markings. Cessna and Tigermoth are two names of aircraft that spring to mind but as far as I know Tigermoths are very early type planes and have double wings. This only has single wings and appears modern so I'd go with Cessna.
I could be wrong, but suffice to say it's a pretty spiffy looking plane and I wish it was mine. Sadly it isn't.

The amount of fuel.
I'm not too sure as I didn't fill it up nor do I know how big the tank is or how much or how quickly it drinks.
However I just hope there's enough to get us all safely back to the airport once baiting is done. Heaven forbid we run out on the way home!

Contingency measures in case of bird strike and engine failure.
I'm not sure what the pilot has in mind, but for me while not something I have planned and practiced, I'd imagine I'll soil my pants rather smartly, scream like a girl and spend the remaining time aloft praying like hell I survive the inevitable crash into some pretty nasty mulga strewn country.

If I can answer any further questions please don't hesitate to ask.

Regards,

Steve
Erlistoun Station
 
Gee mate, I don't even think the local mines over here wanted to know any of what you mentioned. Come to think of it, I don't even think we told them. The flying circus stayed here last night. They even got to out and do some detecting, not with me.

Cheers

Doug
 
Imagine if you had tried to answer one of his questions how many more there would be. :awful:
 
And yet we are constantly being told that there is no such thing as a silly question. It's good to note that at a governmental level it has been confirmed that indeed there are silly questions.
 
The type of aircraft used for the operation;

A purpose built one used to drop baits out of a tube sticking in underneath it.

The amount of fuel intend to be used and carried onboard.

Calculated before take off to ensure a safe arrival. This varies with the load carried, Air pressure density, How close the nearest road is etc,


Contingency measures in the event of a bird strike engine failure etc.

In the case of a bird strike, Call wires but there won't be much left to deal with. Emu's are not considered an issue as low altitude pass's are not deemed necessary.
 
Reminds me of this one.. :)

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,
called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics
about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right..
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
 

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